another semester begins and I’m already exhausted

I’d like at least one full day of solitude and reflection – feels like I haven’t had one of those in months. On Monday – one of the days I’m scheduled to work on schoolwork from home – I had to serve a last day of jury duty. A personal injury case, too – better than a murder trial, I guess, but still a drag. Today – another day which should be a day for solitude and reflection and solid work – I’m taking care of my sick child.

I’ve done some work, in the chinks. Feels like all my work right now happens in the chinks. Two days a week I spend in the dean’s office doing communications work for them. A great GTA placement, but still doesn’t recharge me the way my own work does.

In fact, it’s driving home how much I really really really want to teach, preferably on the university level, and how much I want to write, not in service of any goals but out of my personal interests.

Of course, how many people get to do exactly what they want to do for work in this life? I’ve always been haunted by that … who do I think I am to get what I want?

Might be healthier to ask, why not me?

Meanwhile, I’ve got reading to do and papers to write and presentations to plan and projects to research. And I need to make a few books and schedule the next round of oral history interviews and finish the e-portfolio that’s due in November and study for the first round of comps (that’s in January) and recruit a dissertation committee. Finally, I’ve got to maintain my commitments with the dean’s office and my family and my home. Oh yeah – and take care of myself.

No wonder I’m tired … it’s only September 4.


One thought on “another semester begins and I’m already exhausted

  1. Oh to feel the joy of doing what we feel is truly what we should be doing in any given moment. When those moments come and come they will, don't forget to savor them. Step back about ten paces and ultimately you are doing exactly what you wanted to be doing and what you should be doing, but there are so many damn steps to a journey and it's only September fourth. So you have plenty of time for the other 10,000 paces. Peace on your journey.

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